A scientific guide to saying “no”: How to avoid temptation and distraction
Learning how to say no is one of the most useful skills you can develop I found, especially when it comes to living a
more productive and healthy life.
Saying no to unnecessary commitments can give you the time you need
to recover and rejuvenate. Saying no to daily distractions can give you
the space you need to focus on what is important to you. And saying no
to temptation can help you stay on track and achieve your health goals.
In fact not being able to say no, is one of the most biggest downfalls
that
successful entrepreneurs claim as their own key mistakes.
But how do we actually get past the urgencies of everyday
life and avoid distraction, so that we can focus the things that are
really important to us?
It seems like a big task, I wholeheartedly agree. And yet, research
is starting to show that even small changes can make a significant
impact for a better way of saying no. In fact, here’s one change you can
make right now that will make it easier for you to say no, resist
temptation and improve your productivity and your health:
How to Say No: Research Reveals the Best Way
In a research study published in the
Journal of Consumer Research, 120 students were split into two different groups.
The difference between these two groups was saying “I can’t” compared to “I don’t.”
One group was told that each time they were
faced with a temptation, they would tell themselves “I can’t do X.” For example, when tempted with ice cream, they would say, “I can’t eat ice cream.”
When the second group was faced with a temptation, they were told to
say “I don’t do X.” For example, when tempted with ice cream, they would
say, “I don’t eat ice cream.”
After repeating these phrases, each student answered a set of
questions unrelated to the study. Once they finished answering their
questions, the students went to hand in their answer sheet, thinking
that the study was over. In reality, it was just beginning.
As each student walked out of the room and handed in their answer
sheet, they were offered a complimentary treat. The student could choose
between a chocolate candy bar or a granola health bar. As the student
walked away, the researcher would mark their snack choice on the answer
sheet.
Here’s what happened:
The students who told themselves “I can’t eat X” chose to
eat the chocolate candy bar 61% of the time. Meanwhile, the students
who told themselves “I don’t eat X” chose to eat the chocolate candy
bars only 36% of the time. This simple change in terminology
significantly improved the odds that each person would make a more
healthy food choice.
Makes sense right? Now the findings didn’t stop there, here is what happened next:
How the “Right Words” Make It Easier to Say No
The same researchers were also interested in how the words “can’t”
and “don’t” affect our willingness to say no when faced with repeated
temptations and distractions. After all, most of us can turn down a
candy bar once, but eventually we slip up. Similarly, you might be able
to
focus on your work when you’re pressed for time, but what about avoiding unproductive behaviors on a daily basis?
In other words,
is there a way to say no that makes it more likely that we’ll stick to good habits and avoid bad ones? You bet!
The researchers designed a new study by asking 30 working women to
sign up for a “health and wellness seminar.” All of the women were told
to think of a long–term health and wellness goal that was important to
them. Then, the researchers split the women into three groups of 10.
Group 1 was told that anytime they felt tempted to lapse on their goals they should
“just say no.” This group was the control group because they were given no specific strategy.
Group 2 was told that anytime they felt tempted to lapse on their goals, they should implement the “can’t” strategy. For example,
“I can’t miss my workout today.”
Group 3 was told that anytime they felt tempted to lapse on their goals, they should implement the “don’t” strategy. For example,
“I don’t miss workouts.”
For the next 10 days, each woman received an email asking to report
her progress. They were specifically told, “During the 10–day window you
will receive emails to remind you to use the strategy and to report
instances in which it worked or did not work. If the strategy is not
working for you, just drop us a line and say so and you can stop
responding to the emails.”
Here’s what the results looked like 10 days later…
- Group 1 (the “just say no” group) had 3 out of 10 members who persisted with their goals for the entire 10 days.
- Group 2 (the “can’t” group) had 1 out of 10 members who persisted with her goal for the entire 10 days.
- Group 3 (the “don’t” group) had an incredible 8 out of 10 members who persisted with their goals for the entire 10 days.
The words that you use not only help you to make better choices on an
individual basis, but also make it easier to stay on track with your
long–term goals.
Why “I Don’t” Works Better Than “I Can’t”
Your words help to frame your sense of empowerment and control. Furthermore, the words that you use create a feedback loop in your brain that impacts your future behaviors.
For example, every time you tell yourself “I can’t”, you’re creating a
feedback loop that is a reminder of your limitations. This terminology
indicates that you’re forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to
do.
In comparison, when you tell yourself “I don’t”, you’re creating a
feedback loop
that reminds you of your control and power over the situation. It’s a
phrase that can propel you towards breaking your bad habits and
following your good ones.
Heidi Grant Halvorson is the director of the Motivation Science
Center at Columbia University. Here’s how she explains the difference
between saying “I don’t” compared to “I can’t”:
“I don’t” is experienced as a choice, so it feels
empowering. It’s an affirmation of your determination and willpower. “I
can’t” isn’t a choice. It’s a restriction, it’s being imposed upon you.
So thinking “I can’t” undermines your sense of power and personal
agency.
In other words, the phrase “I don’t” is a psychologically
empowering way to say no, while the phrase “I can’t” is a
psychologically draining way to say no.
How You Can Apply This To Your Life
One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself.
—Leonardo Da Vinci
There are situations everyday when you need to
say no to something.
For example, the waiter who offers you a dessert menu… or the urge to
skip a workout and stay home… or the distracting call of texts, tweets,
and updates when you should be focusing on something important.
Individually, our responses to these little choices seem
insignificant, which is why we don’t make a big deal about telling
ourselves that we “can’t” do something. But imagine the cumulative
effect of
choosing more empowering words on a consistent basis.
“I can’t” and “I don’t” are words that seem similar and we often
interchange them for one another, but psychologically they can provide
very different feedback and, ultimately, result in very different
actions. They aren’t just words and phrases. They are affirmations of
what you believe, reasons for why you do what you do, and reminders of
where you want to go.
The ability to overcome temptation and effectively say no is critical not only to your physical health, but also for your
daily productivity and mental health.
To put it simply:
you can either be the victim of your words or the architect of them. Which one would you prefer?
This
Article is by
James Clear he does a lot of his writing about research and I think he has just nailed this one.
March signals the hope of Spring no matter the weather of the day.
That ties in with our healthy habit focus of avoiding the yo-yo diet
cycle. It is so easy to fall into those "diet" mindset traps and feel
like you are "cheating rather than choosing", restricting rather than
creating! We are the architects of our own destiny, happiness, and
health. We use this program as the foundation, walls, and structure of
our creation. We don't abandon our home because construction is
completed. Just like any home, when construction is complete, we move
in, maintain, and improve our surroundings. We invite guests over and
enjoy it with others. So it is with creating optimal health! There is no
absolute destination!
Come back soon because I am going to tell you about my real life and healthy eating..
